Hello world!

    Fall is upon us and I find myself with a lot of free time that I didn't have before. Both boys are in school full day now and its amazing how much more time and freedom I have in my day! Kyler started 1st grade this year and Tayden started kindergarten. Our school system added full day kindergarten this year, so Tayden is gone all day too.

I was nervous and sad for him, and rightly so. He isn't enjoying it yet and I think it is hard for him to be around other people all day. He likes to have alone time throughout the day and at school you never get that. As soon as he gets home he is ready to relax and play alone to clear his head. Unfortunately, Kyler comes home all wound up and ready to play with someone, never alone, and tries to get Tayden to play with him. It's a new pattern and we are mostly settling into it. I've learned not to ask Tayden too much about his day right away, because his answers are all negative until after he has been home a while and had time to himself. Then we can talk to him about his day and get more happy answers. Over all I think he is adjusting and I hope soon he will actually enjoy his school day. Tayden is so sweet and I love that he is so good at playing alone, but until now I didn't realize how long it takes him to warm up to new situations. I know that he will warm up to it though, and once he makes some friends he will brighten up and be the fun and clever boy we enjoy so much at home.

Kyler was really nervous the first day, but by the second day he was comfortable with his teacher and the new pattern to his day, thriving in the routine of it all. He is such a social creature that it doesn't take long for him to find someone to talk with and play with and then he is the life of the party. Its a wonderful trait because he adapts quickly to new situations (at home though we all get a little tired of all his social needs. Tayden and Ady and I need our quiet time, which Kyler does not seem to require at all. He cant stand quiet time. He wants to be busy and socializing at all times! Its a great trait, but a tiring one.)

Ady did miss her brothers the first few days, and I spent more time playing with her than I normally need to (which is fun because sometimes she won't let me). Now she is loving her time at home all day without having to share her toys with anyone and no one changing the channel during her favorite show. She is excited to eat lunch with mommy and help mommy clean and feel important. She is growing up so fast and talking so much. I feel like I have this fun little best friend with me wherever I go.

I am glad I have a few more years with her before she goes off into the world like the boys, picked up by a stranger on a big yellow bus and driven away and out of my watch. I love the relationship that I have with her and with the boys as well. Being a mom is so wonderful. I could never have imagined how much of a bond I would share with each of them. I have such a deep love for each of them and I want to savor each and every moment with them for fear I will wake up and its all been a dream. As hard as it is sometimes, I never want to lose the love that we feel as a family. I am so lucky to have a home filled with a fantastic husband and three beautiful children. My kids are still at an age where they openly express their love to me so often throughout the day. I am bombarded with hugs and cuddles and its so lovely. I wonder when that starts to change. With them away all day at school, out of my grasp and my care, I fear that change is near. Will their new independence bring these snuggles to a rarity?

Ive waited and wished for all these hard years of toddlers and preschoolers for this day to come, when I would have that much yearned for time to myself, and now that its here I feel sad in a way. I feel the time dwindling away and I don't want lose what I have. But then I know that as they grow older things will inherently change, many of the changes are good and all are needed in order to help mold them into successful adults. I have to let go a bit. I have to accept that the big yellow bus filled with strangers is taking them and I have to relinquish my lunches with them. They have to decide for themselves now whether or not to finish their apple, or drink all of their water. They can make a decision whether or not to eat the crust, and I cant be their to say don't wipe your hands on your shirt. I should feel relief that I can have a meal without all these worries, but instead I eat my meal without them and still have those worries. Are they raising their hand to speak? Are they taking turns on the playground? Are they using polite words? Are they making an effort to include the boy or girl who others seem to exclude? These are questions that I ask myself throughout the day while I am enjoying my alone time. And I realize that I have to let go a little, they are doing the best they can and I have to let them learn and grow.

Through all the worry and the missing them I do feel happy. I do love the change in my day and most of all, I love seeing them step off the bus and smile at Ady and I and run to us and smother us with hugs!